Poor Justin
by Justin Bieber loves you
Summary: For haters and lovers or Justin Bieber alike. I actually love him, but it is just so fun to joke of him...I think I have a few issues thar.....RATED T for TERRIBLE .


"Get your feet out of my fucking face!"

Haruhi was having a temper tantrum because, well, because Itsuki wanted Haruhi to rub his feet.

"But their squirmy!" Itsuki said as he shoved his feet further towards Haruhi's face.

"I do not want your squirmy feet!"

Mikuru, Yuki and I were standing in the sidelines, watching this all occur. Um, hello, Itsuki, your supposed to be destroying closed spaces, not forming them. Jackass.

Suddenly, the walls began to crumble. The world was ended. We all knew it. I hate Itsuki. I bet he likes balls.

All of a sudden, the room became really really bright and we were all temporarily blinded. Then, out of this light as it dissipated, came Justin Drew Bieber.

"Hai, I've cum to save your universes, cuz dats where girls love me *winks"

He spelled come wrong?!

"But you're a fag?" Itsuki said as he adruptedly sat up.

"Nah, I go for the gold, as in girls, as in feminine, as in panties, as in victories secret, as in designer clothes, as in Abercrombie and fitch, as in models, as in male models, as in male underwear models, as in male shirtless underwear models, as in gays. Which I go for, but that's a secret only u can know."

"GAY!" Mikuru said

The sky turned purple, and Justin Bieber ripped off his shirt.

"That's mah favorite color!" He said, and started dancing while singing 'Baby'."

"GAY!" That was Mikuru again

Justin started ringing a bell from nowhere, and a whole bunch of screaming girls killed Itsuki, then ran away. Then Justin Bieber started singing the Pokemon theme song.

"Gotta catch em all!" Hey, that's what I say about girls."

Then he did the pelvic thrust in the air and was levitated to the heavens, while still singing the Pokemon theme.

"GAY!" You know who that was.

Meanwhile, Justin was up in his skyworthy desk, sorting through fan mail.

"Long day, poncho." He said to his flying monkey pet.

"Shawdeyy" Poncho said, and threw poop at Justin's face.

Justin's phone began vibrating in his pocket. He answered the call.

"Sup?" He said "What?!"

The girl on the other line said "I don't like you anymore. We were never meant to be, baby, we just happened. You know I was in Canada for a temporary time, buttface! Don't feel bad, I'm moving, I don't hate you."

"Wait…did you just call me buttface?" He said

"Yeah, I just did."

"Fine then, wiener eater!" he said, and the battle began.

"Dirt sucker!"

"Booger eater!"

"Face muncher!"

"Poop smeller!"

"YOU SING LIKE A GIRL!" The girl said, and she hung up.

Just then, Justin began to cry.

_You sing like a girl. _She said that. Do I really sound like a girl? Nah, notta problem.

And Justin Bieber gave a smile that brightened the world as he fell back to earth to meet his love. His one love.

Haruhi Suzumiya.

"Owowowwww pain" Itsuki was getting surgery because he had been so badly injured, but not killed, by the many raging JB fangirls Justin Bieber attacked him with. He was getting stitches on his dick and other places.

"No, that's mah no no square!" He yelped, then kicked his feet continuously.

Haruhi was filming the whole event, of course. She was still upset for Itsuki shoving his dirty feet in her face, and closed spaces were still forming. Itsuki was in too bad of a state to fight giant blue monsters.

"The squirming around is what will be your downfall" Yuki said

"GAY!" Mikuru.

*facepalm*. Me.

"Can I touch it?" Tsuruya.

"I'm sorry." R-r-r-Ryoko Asakura?!?!

"Why are you here!?" I screamed and leaped back.

"I came to say I'm sorry. And that I have been given permission by the Data Integrated Thought Entity to come back to Japan. I also have another problem. I broke up with Justin Bieber, and he kinda has god like abilities. So not only in Haruhi's case are we screwed, but in two god cases, we all are going to die."

Hahahahaa "What can we…wait you went out with Justin Bieber?" I asked

"Yepp! I was in Canada, and I'm sexy and cute, so of course he wanted me!"

"_Bitch stole my boyfriend." Itsuki thought_

"I can't believe Justin Bieber would get with a whore like you! I am so much more sophisticated and way more sexy then you, Ryoko Asakura." That was Yuki. WAYYY OUT OF CHARACTER! WHEN DO YOU SAY YOUR LINE?

"You bitch! Just because I'm your subordinate doesn't mean that you're in any way hotter then me. I can get down better then you!"

"Oh yeah?! You wanna bet! Let's Geddan!"

So then they started doing the Geddan dance….which was a bit creepy... I don't think that's what she meant by "Get down".

"Umm…if you don't mind me interjecting" I said as they were both in the part of the song where they do the "Pelvic Thrust". "But…I think maybe you should just have a booty shaking contest, instead. It's sexier."

Ryoko shrugged. "I guess." So she turned on a jukebox and the song "Boys Pop The Bottles" by Dot Dot Curve began to play.

Ryoko started, and she swung her booty back and forth, then began to give Kyon a lapdance.

"Whoa…Ryoko, up close and personal. That's sexy!"

Then it was Yuki's turn. She started rubbing herself against Kyon, pushing Ryoko away as they fought. Soon it was an all out pervy brawl over who has the most inappropriate dance. Finally, the door was knocked over and Emiri Kimidori walked in.

"You two are PATHETIC!" She yelled "If any of us TFEI's are sexy, it's going to be ME!" So she stripped herself to her panties and began to dance around Kyon, competing hastily with the other two girls.

"GAY!" Mikuru screamed, and everyone stopped. "If anyone is moe, it's me!"

The rest of it was a blur, because that blinding light came back and Justin Bieber appeared.

"JUSTIN?" Ryoko screamed

"RYOKO?"

She stuttered as she talked "Why..why are you here?"

He walked out of the light and stabbed Ryoko in the heart, killing her somehow.

"For this…to my love." And he went over to Haruhi and kissed her.

"Ahhhhhh!" She screamed, and pushed Justin away. "How do I know that you don't have cooties or something! Ewwww, GRODY! Don't touch me, ur a girl!"

Then Justin began singing. "My one love, my one heart, my one life, for sure, imma tell u one time. That I love that I love youuu, girlll."

Haruhi jumped on top of Justin and started hitting him.

"no no NO!" She screamed "Just…I don't like you, or your babyface, or your nice posh hair. You're-"

"GAY!"

"Shut up, Mikuru chan. Justin Bieber, you are nobody! You think you are. I will never love you. Go do Asakura or something!"

"Ryoko is DEAD! I want you, baby, there's a bajillion girls who love me, but I want you. That should be an honor, Haruhi."

"DIEEE!" And Haruhi stabbed him.

"I…I love you." He said, blood pouring from his mouth. And he was dead.

"……..well then, continue operating. I don't want to be ruined for marriage, now" Itsuki said

Ryoko woke up and healed her wounds. She then looked at the dead Justin lying in the corner.

"Saves me the trouble. Who wants cake?"

So then Ryoko Asakura began serving cake to every living person in the room, and once again the SOS Brigade was at peace with the fact that nobody likes them and the teen sensation Justin Bieber was dead and his beautiful voice would never grace their ears again.

Everybody went silent at that thought.

Ryoko looked at Haruhi."….I blame you!"


End file.
